The adage of “confidence is key” really rings true when talking about a child’s development. Confidence is directly linked to self-esteem and self-worth in kids and teens, says Dr. Cassandra Graeff, a pediatrician at Atrium Health Levine Children's Rutherford Pediatrics.
“Having confidence in themselves and their ability to achieve their goals increases their self-esteem, which in turn increases their life satisfaction,” says Graeff. “High self-esteem and life satisfaction have been linked to better academic/work performance and relationships and lower rates of depression.”
What does healthy self-esteem look like in children?
So, how do you know if your child has healthy confidence levels? Graeff says healthy self-esteem means having a positive perception of themselves, being resilient and able to bounce back from challenges and failures, and being willing to tackle problems rather than giving up.
Children and teens with healthy self-confidence also tend to have fewer behavioral and emotional difficulties and enjoy healthier relationships with their families and peers.
Signs a child lacks self-confidence
On the flip side, there are also some telling signs that your child may not have healthy levels of confidence.
“Children with lower self-esteem may avoid challenges or stop trying when the task becomes too difficult,” she says. “They may make excuses or even become defensive when addressing difficulties and be more critical of themselves.”
You may also notice a decline in their mood, academic performance, development, behavior and social relationships.
If you notice these signs of low self-confidence in your child or teen, there are ways you can help.
How to help your child build confidence
- Spend quality time together. “Healthy, strong family relationships are positively linked to improved self-esteem in children and teens,” she says. “Try having at least one sit-down meal with your child each day to have an opportunity to ask them questions, actively listen and provide support and feedback.”
- Be as nonjudgmental as possible. Allowing your child to confide in you without judgment is crucial. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "the single most important factor in maintaining a child's self-esteem is the presence of an adult who demonstrates respect and acceptance and who provides support that conveys the message, 'I believe in you.'”
- Be supportive. “Encourage your child, praise their accomplishments and stress the importance of bouncing back from failures as a way to learn from mistakes and motivate them to problem-solve and try again,” says Graeff.
- Give them autonomy. Allowing children and teens to make age-appropriate decisions, when possible, not only teaches them responsibility and allows them to learn from their actions, but also shows you trust them.
- Keep conversations age appropriate. “It’s important not to expose children to adult topics, concerns or stresses,” she says. “Keeping parental relationship stresses and challenges in the home out of your conversation with your child will reduce their stress and anxiety.”
- Encourage them to pursue activities they enjoy. “Activities that promote independence and an ability to feel pride and accomplishment are beneficial to increasing self-worth and self-esteem,” says Graeff. This could include group sports, music, art, volunteering, writing, school clubs or any other activity they like.
“Helping your child increase their self-esteem will have lasting positive effects on not only their childhood and adolescence, but also into their adult life,” she says. “Remember that healthy changes to self-esteem and self-worth take time and the effects won't be seen overnight, so be patient and persistent.”
And don’t be afraid to seek support.
“If you ever feel that your child is suffering from anxiety or depression or you have concerns about their behaviors, don’t hesitate to seek care from their pediatrician,” says Graeff. “We are always here to help and provide additional support.”
For more tips on helping your child thrive, find an Atrium Health Levine Children’s pediatrician near you.
