Puberty 101: How Parents Can Stay Steady During the Transitional Years

Puberty is a significant milestone in a child’s development, marking the transition from childhood to adolescence. As a parent, it can be both an exciting and challenging time, filled with physical, emotional and social changes for your child. Understanding what to expect during this period can help you support your child, address their concerns and navigate any awkward moments with confidence. Dr. Anita Kpodo at Atrium Health Levine Children’s Shelby Children’s Clinicshares guidance on how to make puberty a smoother experience for you and your child.

Reduce the embarrassment

Talking about puberty can be uncomfortable for parents and children alike, but there are ways to reduce embarrassment and foster a positive atmosphere.

Normalize the conversation: Don’t treat puberty as a taboo subject. Use proper terms for body parts and avoid euphemisms. “The more matter of fact and comfortable you are, the less awkward your child will feel,” shares Kpodo.
Keep humor in check: While trying to keep things light can sometimes ease tension, avoid making jokes about your child's changes. Puberty is a sensitive time, and teasing (even good-natured) can cause embarrassment or hurt feelings
Choose the right moments: Have discussions in private and in a setting where your child feels comfortable. “Talking one-on-one in the car or during a walk may feel less intimidating than a formal sit-down,” says Kpodo.

The stages of puberty

Puberty can feel like a wild ride for both kids and parents but knowing what’s coming can make it a little less bumpy. Here’s an overview of the stages of puberty and what you can expect along the way.

Stage 1: Pre-Puberty (around 8-11 Years Old)

This is the “pre-game” phase. Even though there aren’t any big visible changes yet, your child’s body is getting ready. Hormones are starting to shift behind the scenes, but you probably won’t notice anything different just yet.

Stage 2: Early Puberty (ages 9-14)

This is when you’ll start to see the first real signs of puberty:

Girls: They might notice small bumps under their nipples, which are the start of breast development (called "breast buds"). Pubic hair might also make its first appearance. They might also start to grow taller.
Boys: They might notice changes in the size of their testicles and some fine pubic hair may show up. They might also have a bit of a growth spurt, and their feet might suddenly seem two sizes bigger!

Stage 3: Middle Puberty (ages 12-16)

This is the middle stretch – and it’s when things really start progressing. Your child may feel like they’re changing every day.

Girls: Breasts will keep growing, and they’ll likely notice more hair under their arms and in the pubic area. The average age in the United States that girls start their period is 12, but it can happen earlier or later and that's normal. No matter when it happens, it can feel like a big milestone. Height changes can come quickly too – suddenly, they’re growing out of their jeans every few months!
Boys: You may notice their voice cracking and getting deeper (hello, squeaky voice!). Their testicles and penis will grow, and they’ll see more hair in new places – on their face, underarms and down below. They’ll also likely bulk up a bit as muscles start to develop.

“Puberty can start at different times for each child, and that’s totally normal. Everyone develops at their own pace, it’s okay if these stages happen a little earlier or later than your child’s peers,” says Kpodo.

Stage 4: Late Puberty (ages 15-18)

By this stage, your child is reaching the finish line of puberty. Their body is getting closer to what it will be like as an adult.

Girls: By the end of puberty, most girls have their full breasts and regular periods, and they’ve grown to their adult height.
Boys: For boys, their voices will have settled into a deeper tone, facial hair will be thicker, and their bodies will continue to get more muscular. Boys often keep growing a bit taller even after they’ve gone through the bulk of their changes.

What parents can expect

During puberty, your child will experience both physical and emotional changes. This can include:

Mood swings: Hormonal changes can cause unpredictable emotions. You might notice irritability, sensitivity or anxiety in your child. Be patient and listen when they need to talk.
Body image concerns: As their bodies change, children often become self-conscious. Girls may feel insecure about weight, while boys might feel pressure to develop muscles.
Increased independence: Puberty is also a time when children start seeking more independence and privacy. “They may pull away from you or rely more on their peers for support,” says Kpodo. “This can be hard to navigate as a parent, but it’s a natural part of the ‘growing up’ process.”

What parents can do

Educate them early: It’s important to talk to your child about puberty before it begins. Use age-appropriate language to explain what changes they should expect and reassure them that what they are experiencing is normal. If you have any concerns or questions, your pediatrician is always here to help and provide guidance throughout this process.
Keep communication open: Create an environment where your child feels safe asking questions and being honest. Ask them about school, friends, and how they're feeling. “If your child feels shy about these topics, try gently introducing the subject by sharing your own experiences,” advises Kpodo.
Normalize the experience: Every child goes through puberty differently. Help them celebrate the milestones but also make sure they know it’s OK if they develop at their own pace.
Be patient: Puberty can feel like a bumpy ride for both of you, so try to approach challenges with understanding.
Provide resources: Books, articles, and even conversations with a health care provider can help answer your child’s questions in a comfortable, informative way.

Partnering with a pediatrician

Your child’s pediatrician can be a great resource through adolescence. Here’s the best way to work together:

Regular checkups: Pediatricians track your child’s growth and development and can help ensure they’re progressing normally through puberty. These visits are a good time to ask any medical or developmental questions you may have.
Addressing concerns: If your child starts puberty too early or too late compared to their peers, or if you notice any irregularities, consult your pediatrician. They can offer guidance on what’s typical for your child’s age and run tests to check hormone levels as needed.
Private conversations: As children enter adolescence, pediatricians often speak with them privately during appointments. This gives your child the chance to ask questions or discuss concerns they might not feel comfortable sharing with you. Encourage this independence, as it helps them take ownership of their health.

Helping your child navigate puberty is one of the many important tasks of parenting. With the right tools and mindset, you can make this transition a positive and empowering experience for both you and your child.

Experts at Atrium Health Levine Children’s are here to help your child grow and thrive at every stage. Find a pediatrician near you today.

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